I believe, that as drivers, we are all responsible for seeing to it that we, and everyone on the road, arrive safely at our destination each day.  I learned this in defensive driving schools because I had company cars for years.  It is a solid obligation.

So, to those aggressive, or winsome drivers, who grace the roadway with us on our journey, here are a few tips from the road hags school of driving crone-ology.

First of all you cannot molecularly transmute through my vehicle in front of you no matter how close you get to my bumper.  Scotty is not going to beam you up and make the rest of us disappear.  Back off!

To Wilamena the Winsome, weaving all over the road worse than any drunk, while you read a text from your beloved in dewy eyed wonder…that text message will store just fine until you park your car. Stop now or pull off the road before you kill one or more of us.

To Bubba the Truck…what the pluck!!! Your aggressive behaviour to everyone on the road is just not acceptable , it is illegal.  We are all going the same direction (well maybe not you; you are going straight to hell)…but I digress.  Your souped up, deformed truck with roll bars, skull decoupage, and tires bigger than dump trucks….this is the only large thing in your life…deal with it!  Don’t take it out on the world.

To Juicy Old Crones, and Creaky Old Dudes, driving on a major a highway or no passing, 2 lane street, at 10 miles an hour…(this is also illegal). We love you and do not begrudge you your right to get about.  God love you for still trying.  However, please stay in the “slow lane”, and do not get out during lunch hour, rush hour or any other time of major traffic congestion.  Time your trips otherwise, so you don’t stress yourself and your fellow travelers. Some of us only have 30 minutes for lunch. If we follow behind you we have to turn around and go straight back to the office because it took us so long to get to our destination.

And lastly teenagers.  Your new found driving freedom is not for breaking land speed records on public roads. It is not about venting anger because the rest of the world doesn’t know its all about you, and won’t get the hell out of your way.  It is all about safety first. Yours most importantly.  There are many people who love you. They don’t want to have to come and identify your cold dead, mangled carcass in a morgue, because you decided to vent  anger in a 2 ton weapon at breakneck speed.  Basic physics: you will not win when you collide with any object fixed or otherwise.

Take it from the Crones, we’ve been involved in assisting with legal cases, our comments are from observation and the research of experts, not just Two Juicy Crones on a tear.


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