I spent many years in workforce’s where harassing behaviors were laughed at and encouraged. Physical abuse and verbal were the norm of the day; mostly by men. I myself was lucky, everyone knew I was the witch from hell, and not to mess with me. But some of my colleagues were not so lucky, nor did they possess the assertiveness to stand up for themselves. I found myself mouthing off to idiots more than I should. I didn’t care what it did to my career. Fortunately the big bosses did not find it a problem. It was the little men with…shall we say little egos that were usually at fault. And, sadly, women who wanted the show the men they had balls bigger than church bells, were a nemesis to everyone as well. You have the right to be treated as a human in all environments (unless you act like a wild beast; a topic for another blog). Here are a few coping mechanisms I think you’ll like. Love yourself enough to use these or other you have. Please share if you have a good one. It will help a lot of people. Love and Light, Namaste, The Queen Cronista…
Intolerant Behavior is NOT OK; Anywhere or at Any Time…
“I’m OK, you’re OK!, Change your thoughts, change your life. You become what you think. These are all forms popular quotes from all the motivational speakers ever. For the most part I think that most all cognitive behavioral therapy throws the burden of abnormal behavior on us. If you change how you feel you will change your world! You will no longer feel as depressed or anxious. Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that there are certain responsibilities for the souls who are needing to just get over it. When the problems are under your personal control then often discipline, commitment and dedication to a thing is all that is required.
However, when the problems originate outside of your control, then changing your thinking can be like stepping into a horrid terror film where you start having to attempt persuade yourself things are OK when your spirit tells you they are not. How does this improve anyone’s mental well being? It doesn’t! So, when things are out of your personal wheelhouse, and you are sinking into the bog of eternal anxiety and depression, what might you do? I am not seeking to be the guru of all things wonderful. I merely wish to suggest some things to place in your psyche’s toolbox that may help you individually.
1) If the threat is real see what help you can get. It could be that the police, medical assistance, 911, etc. There may be support groups, hotlines, or shelters out there to lend support. If one is dealing with a significant threat, it is not nonsense to feel anxious, fearful, or depressed. Be clear that your feelings are totally appropriate in the moment. Find an approach were you can see them and where you can to try and avoid being overwhelmed by them. Work escape from it – you won’t be able to think clearly until the problem is dealt with.
2) Now risk asses what’s going on. If the source is primarily functioning as a trigger mechanism and isn’t a threat in its own, then go for meditation. See if you can summon the courage to look at the mechanics ; can you change anything? If the threat is in the past and not in the current moment…that can help. See if you can gain a new outlook on it; talk to someone if necessary. The choices are yours at this point; see if you can choose wisely now.
3) Define the specific problem. Tie down exactly what is making you feel uneasy. If that’s triggering you into other problematic things, acknowledge it, but do not focus on it. This can trigger more than it can help. Take yourself and the situation seriously.
4) An ongoing threat, it is going to take a toll no matter what. Examples such as domestic abuse, workplace bullying, or any other tortuous act created by society and political structures. Sometimes there is no ‘away’ to escape. As the person suffering it should not be your responsibility to fix intolerant behaviors. Inability to cope is not a sign of weakness or illness. It is a natural, response to something inhuman. There are agencies to report it to. You need to take steps to remove the threat or yourself or it may impact your health long-term.
5) If you can get away from this intolerant behavior, do so, Get whatever safe space you can and you will eventually calm down and be able to breathe again.
6 Should your risk analysis determine that the problem is happening right now, then how you respond will depend a lot on the problem itself. Usually you must deal with a threat or remove yourself immediately. If you feel the threat is a little one, then meditating on how it makes you feel, or securing help to deal with it may suffice.
Just know that if something panics you and you seem to loose your sense of reason, then try and find someone trustworthy and knowledgeable on how to work it through with you.
There are many who live with panic and fear. There is almost always someone or some institution nearby to lend a helping hand. Learn to use your resources and get the help you need to move on. Bullying and harassing workplaces are NOT OK. Namaste, The Queen Cronista