Grandma’s Unspoken Rules of Etiquette That Every Southerner Follows:
There’s social etiquette and then there’s Grandma’s etiquette. None of these rules are written down. Southerners just absorb them through cornbread and the liquid sugarcane we call sweet tea. It should come as no surprise that I find many Southern rules for proper etiquette revolve around food. Back in the day, children were to be “seen and not heard” when company came over. Or at the very least “speak only when spoken to.” On college campus sorority rules were even stricter back in the day (subject of another blog).
When Mama entertained the preacher, the children didn’t eat till the good reverend had finished, and he always got the “pulley-bone.” Nowadays, there’s plenty of grocery fried chicken for everybody. Still, some dining restrictions apply .. . and my Grandma had other rules, as well.
How to Be Polite at the Dinner Table
- Never chew with your mouth open or talk with your mouth full. Do. Not. Smack.
- Take off your hat or cap in the house, especially when eating or when a lady is present. Don’t even think about coming near Mama in her house with that thing on your head. Not if you want to keep it. Depending on your choice it could refers to your hat or your head.
- Elbows off the table.
- Don’t sing or whistle at the table.
- Don’t talk about unpleasantness or body functions at the table.
- No cell phones at the table, in church, at the cemetery, or anywhere near Grandma.
- Surely that stack of paper plates you just plopped down on the serving table aren’t for takeout supper, prepared free of charge by your host. Surely, surely not. Good dishes only for company; you can wash them later.
How to Be a Gracious Host
- When friends come over, children should let their guests choose the games and the snacks. It teaches consideration and courtesy.
- Speaking of refreshments, Southerners always offer some, even if they’re simple. And we always take some (or at least offer to) whenever we attend a gathering, be it a barbecue or a funeral.
- Always send a thank-you note (not a text) for a gift. Good pen and good stationery required.
- Always see your guests to the door when they leave.
How to Be a Good Guest
- It’s considered bad form to ask for something to eat when you’re a guest. You must wait to be offered food or drink.
- Don’t overstay your welcome. Leave so your host can get the dishes done and kids to bed at a reasonable hour.
- It it is a special event always bring a hostess gift.
How to Speak Politely
- Always say please and thank you.
- Always say “yes” instead of “yeah” or “yep,” and if you’re speaking to someone who prefers it, add a “ma’am” or “sir.”
How to Show Respect to Others
- Men and boys, open doors for women and girls.
- Everybody holds the door open for whoever is approaching from behind you. Southerners instinctively know if people are behind us when we’re walking into stores, restaurants, and offices, and we patiently hold the door. My grandsons inherited this ability from their military dad and California mom, even though they were born Virginia away from Grandma.
- Men and boys should stand when a lady comes into the room or when she’s being seated.
- Everybody (regardless of gender) should stand when an elder (regardless of gender) enters the room or is being seated.
- Never let on that you’ve heard PapPaw tell that story before. “We are very good at listening to a friend or relative’s retelling of a story for the umpteenth time as if it’s the first time we’re hearing it. It’s respectful and just part of the fun of spending time together.
How to Behave in Church
Parents should teach their children how to handle themselves in “big church.” Fortunately, there aren’t that many rules to remember. It’s not everything but it’s enough for Junior and Sissy to qualify as raised right.
- Eyes forward.
- No running.
- No talking.
- No loud whispering.
- No looking like you want to say something.
- Eyes closed and head bowed during prayer.
- No bellowing during the song service.
- No turning to see who’s behind you.
- No kicking the pew in front of you.
- No fidgeting.
- No taking off your Sunday shoes.
- No pointing.
- No rummaging in Mama’s purse.
- No pushing at the fellowship table.
Fear not, these will be repeated throughout the school year….